What Should I Do?!
somehow i'm really lost now? 6th of may will be the last comence date.. i really dont noe what should i do next.. and i have come to noe this: "if something u heaven seen for quite sometime, u wont feel so bad like the first time u did.."
A story of........
today got to noe a story of a sambal fried rice and some mushrooms flower......................... what the hell!!
SATURDAY.....................
I'm begining to hate saturday!!!!!........................................................................................
A series call Corner with Love.......
got to noe this series frm SCV.. thought was a nice show then went on line and find somemore.. i think is a very gd show i really can feel the pain though its just a tv show.. but somehow i really think i'm the guy inside (luo zhi xiang).. and this is the only show i really cry.. after i watch this show i really give it a thought. as every show has a happy ending.. but it just dont happen in real life.. no doubt the story it has really can and will happen in real life. and it just suck for someone who love the other person so much or should i say they r the perfect couple.. but due to some situation the girl was force to marry the other guy coz he's rich.. as for luo zhi xiang he is just a normal guy who sell oyster egg.. just a normal guy.. after watching this show, i really think a princess should really be with a prince. just like my situation, a princess should be with a prince. someone who can give her everything.. not like mi, dont have anything and wont have a future like the prince.. maybe its really fated.. fated for mi to watch this drama and fated to have a story just like this drama. it really show my life now in that drama.. haiz.. maybe its abt time for mi to................................................................................................................................................................................ really dont noe.................
Maybe..... just maybe....
Till now then i realise that maybe i cared too much already.. be it was ur well being to, have u had ur meals and everything everything. i just care too much.. ever since u sms mi that msg.. everything has change.. i'm doing all i can not to let everything change.. do so much that everything dont matters as long as i have u in that special place in my heart.. but now.................................................................................... haiz....
Food Hotel Asia!!!
went to FHA today. and hell yeah!! this yr is alot bigger than 2 yrs back. and did i ever tell u that FHA is only once every 2yrs.. so the previous FHA was in '06'. the FHA in '06' was not that big after all.. but this yr was like they have 6 halls altogether. alot to see and alot to take pic.. but too bad i forgot to bring it with mi.. if not i can upload some for u guys to see.. but nevertheless, i'll make it a point that i wont forget tomolo.. i'll sure take some pic to let u guys see whats FHA is all abt.. hehe.. pic will come in tomolo.. be sure to view some pp!! =)
Y do u have to make things hard for us???
things r fine as it is last time.. but y do u have to do and say something to make it so hard for the both of us?? we r very gd fren cos i let u come into my life as u got no where to go during that hard period u had here.. but that doesn't mean u can do things to spoil this friendship.. i've told u in thailand and i've told u in singapore.. and most of all, i told u before u even come and stay with mi.. i help u as u r my bro gf and a fren who has not make ends meet here.. now i have someone i like.. and i hope so much that this relation i have with this special person will turn out something nice for mi.. and i dont need anyone certainly not u to hold mi back.. we didnt even happen.how to end?? i still hope to be fren and now u r ruining it.. pls.. for the love of God.. just stay on like this with mi.. i love u as fren.. not someone else.. and if i ever gave u the thinking that u can start with mi.. then i'm sorry.. we had a great time in thailand and of course i had a great time when u came here.. but its not i want it to be.. i'm sorry..
living in hell but something happen and that someone ...............
for the past 2 days,i've been like living in my own hell world.. everything just seem so lost to mi and i think that my life just sucks!! till a extend something which i'll never have crossed my mind when i'm in my normal state of mind.. just something la.. anyway today is a great day though in the day i was like fucked up.. but everything turn great at night.. went for bowling and fianlly saw her.. been thinking abt us for these 2 days and yes!! things were great now!!! i dont even noe what am i typing now.. just cant explain my happiness now.. =)
tell u something girl.. abt how i went thru these 2 days without u.. actually these 2 day i also have no idea how i went thru.. just went thru hr by hr.. but the hr its like min to mi.. or even sec in sometime.. i'm like living in hell but an angel frm heaven came down and saved mi tonight.. she brought mi back frm hell.. i'm not saying this bcoz i'm boosting.. its real.. U must belive mi girl.. really.. and its really U who saved mi.. and U r too much for mi to lose.. really too much girl..
but now, i'm alive already!! really thank u!!! thank u girl!! :) and thank u wanqing, for giving mi this chance to make up with her.. =) though its like normal for her to ask mi out.. all its mi la.. i ask her myself.. so credit goes to mi.. but u still have some credit la.. haha.. and thanks everyone for making this happen.. anyway think i really sucks in bowling le.. must buck up lor.. if not later kanna beat down by girl ah.. ya la.. i'm toking abt u la.. =) but i still have to say,i'm not playing like i normally play.. haha.. no la.. really cant play le..
once again,thanks evryone and gd nite to all.. =)
Dont like pp to deceive?
dont like pp to deceive u?? funny thing is, i've never deceive u. not now, not ever.. haiz.. it just hurt when u try so much and pp just spat it on ur face.. hope tomolo will be better..
WHAT THE..........
just took back my bike then now wont start again.. FUCK UP!! after what happen yesterday then today like that?! chee bye!!!!!
Y? Y? Y? Y? Y? Y?
Y? There r so many Ys in my head now. Y do i always put myself in this place? Y there is not even some trust in my words to u? there r so many Ys!!!! but yet i just cant put them in words.. sometime i really hate myself!! haiz!!!
Judgement day................
judgement day was gd.. till a extend i dont even noe what can i write here. :) but everything was just gd la.. :)
JUDGEMENT DAY!!!!!
In another 1 or 2 hrs,it will be our judgement day!! hope ur ans will lighten up my days since it have been so dark for the past couple of months!!! wish mi luck pp!! =)
SO EXCITED!!!
TOMOLO WILL IT BE A BIG DAY FOR MI? I HOPE SO......... =)
today went working in the morning.. and today everyone was late lor.. i had to open kitchen and bar lor... sian!! auntie not around really work my ass off!! but gd thing is she's coming back after next week.. went for a 2 weeks holidays.. wow damn long la.. enjoy man!! its been so long since i went for a 2 weeks holidays.. hope it will be coming soon.. =)
anyway just now went to c her. miss her lor.. give her the excuse to bring down the medicine for her,but actually just wanted to c her.. so was very happy that i meet her.. though its just like a short 1 1/2 hrs of meeting but i'm happy enough. all i got to do is just to c u.. =) hope my days can be this simple with u around mi.. =) but i still got bring the medicine down to help her apply.. u noe something girl? it really hurts mi to c u in a painful state when i apply the medicine on ur leg. really.... so pls,next time just be careful ya?
so went to JB after meeting her,the queue wasn't that bad la.. lucky mi.. haha.. so went there just to use the toilet there.. cos there got a smell i like................................ haha.. no la.. u think i'm sick ah? haha.. went there for a ridding lor. and on top of that i can buy fag,and on top up my petrol.. and not forgeting the TOILET.. haha.. so its a stone killing a row of birds.. haha :p..
so tomolo will be our judgement day ya? remember k? really hope to hear a gd new to brighten my days.. =) if praying really can help,i dont mind praying for someone i really like to have.. so here it goes:" dear who ever god, i pray to u for tomolo news. hope it will be a gd 1 frm her. thank u who ever god."
will u be mine? not now la.. but the future? =)
code of the day: if things are not going well, and u seems to have lost ur way, dont be dishearten. cos someone out there really cares and cares and cares alot for u.. if he/she has to the the load of the earth, he/she will surely take it all for u..
P.S: if u noe what i mean.......... haha.. =) gd nite everyone!!! =)
NOT U!!!
too bad my dear baomei,its not u i wanted beside mi.. u go and be beside john will do.. haha.. but thank u for wanting to be the 1.. i'm still waiting for that special someone to be by my side.. yes!! its u!! yes! u!! :)
A HAPPY POST!!!!!!
finally have a happy post to post.. though judgement day will be 17 of may,somehow things have improve between mi and her!!! IMPROVE! IMPROVE! IMPROVE! and i'm HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! =)
A day it was again..................
had a day full of emotion,anger,temper,tired just a supper bad day.. so this is my day.. wake up at 8 plus,had a very bad headach.. tis is happening to mi more often and often.. am i having a brain cancer? i always thought of that.. so went down to work at abt 9. reach there abt 9.30. so start with my daily job. opening the kitchen,opening my e mail,replying them,plan my menu for tomolo funtion.. so thats the first quarrel of the day,had it with kelvin,i told him not to do the same baby pork racks,but he just wont listen,so was quite pissed with him!! but somehow i manage to give in. dont wish to flare up..
so i went to the supper market at PS. went there to get those stuff needed for tomolo funtion. then went back.. till that time i still dont have a little smile on my face.. haiz.. so went back.. thats the time i did something i'll never do..
at that time was in the afternoon already.. a couple walked in.. order the things they want.. so i cook for them lor.. then i still serve them.. so as i put down the plate of ribeye,my special dish in my restaurant.. at that instant,i got fuck by the guy, he told mi he's a chef also and all those crap stuff and that plate of ribeye is not the real ribeye. what the fuck!!! he just trip mi as he say those things.. so i just fuck him back telling him to get out of my restaurant and never come back if he dont like my food!! i just shouted!!! then i took my dish back to my kitchen.. everyone was shocked!! real shocked.. that the first time they saw mi trip and flared up..
then went back to carry on doing my funtion thing,no even a person dare to tok to mi at that time.. so everything was back to normal when i cool down. i started toking to my manager.. and slowly everyone else..
so at night,we start doing our dinner crowd. things r fine till closing time,1 of the part timer ask mi if i wanted to go back early? if want to then help them wash the kitchen.. then i trip again.. i said: " who the fuck r u to tok to mi like that? not even my boss dare to tok to mi like that. this is my fucking kitchen! i pay u to do this job. close is close to u,but i'm still the person to give u ur pay!! and i'm the fucking boss here! i want to wash i wash,i dont want to wash i just go home. what u can do abt that?!!" i really wash him white white lor. really tired already still have to deal with this type of thing.. and my brain is full of things now.. and have a headach the whole day even now lor.. am i changing to the person i'm used to be? but i can really feel that i'm a angry and shoet tempered person these few days.. haiz.. shit day again!!
judgement day on the 17/05/05.. how i wish u r beside mi now!! beside mi to share everything i'm going thru now.. at this point of time,i really need u by my side.. will u be the 1??
CANT SLEEP!!!!
have been tosing left right left right for the past 2 hrs.. tired but just sleep!!! ARGGGGG!!!!!! HATE this feeling!!!!
FUCK!! ITS JUST CANT GET ANY BETTER ISN'T IT??!!!!!!!!!!
was looking at the mails i got today, and fuck!!! got a unwanted mail!!! it took mi 9 fucking yrs to get over my past and become who i am today and u just send a mail asking mi to go back?!! i'm not going back to that SHIT HOLE!!! ever i stepped into that SHIT HOLE, i've promise myself i'm NOT GOING BACK ever again!!! dear who ever GOD:"PLS.. PLS.. If u cant give mi A GD DAY,JUST GIVE A NORMAL 1!!!!!!!! CHEE BYE!! FUCK THIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A rough Day Yet AGAIN!!!!
today was rough again. nothing surprising.. dont even wna say anything abt it. anyway the code of the day:" dont shy away or run away if problems arise.. dont just leave the whole thing for ur partner or fren to heal themselves. if not u will regret it.. live life up to its fullest with no regrets." funny right? for someone like mi can say this.. damn funny..
Thinking Back...
y do things happen just like that? had a bad night again.. think all mt post here were all bad except my post on my birthday.. anyway here it goes.. yesterday went out with joanna and we've decided to meet for supper today after i finish work.. but in the end she went to ktv with her bf.. i noe i shouldn't be like that. but u could have told mi and not i heard frm wanqing.. and thats in the afternoon.. if u told mi urself,i'm sure i'll be much more ok.. but it isn't..
things happen when i'm abt to give up.. its not that i'm saying u r giving mi hope.. but somehow i can feel that i do have a chance.. but when i feel that i have a chance,u'll always do something else to break that.. i really dont noe wat should i do.. i'm on the edge of giving up.. really.. as wanqing say,y suffer for a person when u dont even noe the outcome of the future.. i really agree.. but somehow when i think back now,it seems the future is not with her.. haiz.. things r really going to happen agian..
anyway thought of going to dragonfly just now. but billy call mi,telling mi that his new stall had just open today.. he ask mi to go down to take a look and give him some comment.. so i went down.. its really a gd stall. with a very gd crowd.. really gd.. all the best billy!!! anyway when i reach there,he was quite busy,so i just order some food and sit alone.. thinking for wat should i do. just when i'm really into my thinking,i heard some pp querral. so when i turn back and have i look(KPO),i saw a couple argue.. so suddenly the guy shouted:"she's a bitch!!! she had 3 different guys and i caught her red handed!" i was shock!! how can he do that?! but on the other hand,i think back,i was in the situation before. and i really understand how the guy feel. 1 other guy is bad enough but she has 2 other guys lei.. wat a bitch really. so when they walk off,i began to think back of the time when i'm with joyce. smiling to myself when i thought of those happy times we shared,but really sad when i thought of the same situation i'm in same as that guy.. how can a sweet looking girl become like that? or should i say y r girls such a slut or bitch.. haha..
to make thing worst,the couple walk back with that guy chasing after the girl. and guess wat..... they sit on the same table as mi.. wau lau a.. so the guy start shouting at her and really gone crazy,on the other hand the girl call the police. Fuck girl!! how heartless can u be?!! after calling the police,the girl walk off.. and then they came back again.. sian diao!! so the police came and take them away. and 1 of the policeman ask mi:"r u with them?" wat the hell.. "of course not la" i replied.. funny right..
so wait for billy to come over and chit chat. its been a while since i last saw him.. chat till abt 2am then i come home.. thats abt it la.. ohh ya,wanqing wrote mi a note in my itouch when i'm really feeling down.. thanks girl and i love u too.. and patrick,have a speedy recovery.. :) just hope tomolo will be a better day for mi.. :)
I'M SUCH A FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm a FOOL indeed!!! not just a fool but a big 1!!! doesn't the previous 1 let u learn ur lesson already derek jiang jiaxing!!! i really hate myself sometimes.. y do i have to put myself in this again?!!! a real FOOL!!!
what the hell??
hey.. wats wrong with my blog ah? cos someone leave a comment that i wrote to long on my previous post.. blog is for mi to say how i feel isn't it? u noe who the hell r u man!!! LIM ZICHEN!!! yes!!! u r the 1!!! i say it again: LIM ZICHEN!!!! u think u have gf now u can "lau lan + how lian" ah!! haha..
anyway dont tok abt him already la.. yesterday early in the morning when to auntie may house and play mahjong.. actually we decided to start at 9 in the morning.. but i cant wake up due to i sleep at 5 plus the day before.. its my goddad call mi then i wake up.. but its too late le.. abt 8.30 then wake up and rush down.. luckily its not that jam at SLE.. haha.. i make the right choice.. so i reach there abt 9am.. then went to have breakfast at nearby kopitiam. had wan tan mee.. and went straight to auntie may house.. and we began..
this time my godad dont dare to ask mi to bring more money for him to win la.. coz that time he lost to mi alot when he ask mi to bring more money for him to win. haha.. at first it was all going well.. the first "tong" i won abt 300 plus.. then the 2nd "tong" loose back.. left abt 100 plus of winning.. didnt reallt have the form to play as we cant smoke in the room.. coz auntie may didnt let us. she cant take it when all the 3 of us smole together.. haha.. so i think bcoz of that i didnt really have to form.. when i play i really need to smoke 1 lor..
so anyway,when we play the 3rd "tong",everything was going well back. i won back a bit. just when we r finishing,i hit 3times limit to uncle william(the other person playing) so everythime was $64. i hit 3 times lei!! wow lua.. so at the last game,i hit to my godad limit again.. haiz.. so the final winning is only 50buck lor.. was the big winner in the first place but now its the person who win the less among the three.. but winning is better than losing la.. so still not that bad.. poor auntie may lost more than 400 bucks lor. she's the only person who lost.. poor auntie may..
so after that,uncle william need to go fetch his wife so we end much eariler than normal days.. wanted to have some "kuay chap" at sunshine place.. but they all were lazy to go.. so i get some rest at auntie may house.. then went home at night.. :)
then when i reach home,i went out with joanna.. went to east coast park to chill.. was a wonderful night!! really enjoy her company.. though its like just sitting at the stone chair and chit chat. then give each other lame jokes, IQ test. haha.. but its was all gd!! ok la.. back to work!!! actually i'm posting this while i'm working.. but nothing to do la.. so its ok.. haha.. bye.. =)
A BAD NIGHT IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my baby!!!
just got back my bike today evening.. was so happy.. cos its been like a month since i ride on her.. miss her so much.. finally see her,touch her,ride her and bring her for a short ridding.. :) so thought of going touring to melacca.. like a 1 day trip.. so so looking forward to it.. want to take bike already then go back home and get some rest before i go. but it didnt happen.. like i always say:" things dont always happen the way we wanted it". so it make sense right..
ok.. wanted to go so much but something happen which makes mi cant stop worrying for her.. she did it again.. hope this time is not as bad as the previous time.. think something happen and she cant take it though she keep telling mi nothing happen.. but i just can sense it.. then wanted to meet up with her but in the end she didnt want to.. but nvm la.. ok la.. stop toking abt this thing le..
then.. i went to malaysia alone to let my bike warm up and to clear carbon.. so when i reach 2nd link, there was a jam like i never seen before at that timing. i mean i've been on north-south highway for more than 20 times. but i've never ssen a jam like that before. it was bad.. been in the jam for like 45 mins. so after that went onto the 2nd link and i straight away wack it.. actually i'm not really concentrating on the road.. just wanna... aiyah. i also dont noe wat am i thinking.. but i've always been very careful if i go in malaysia alone.. will never hit the speed that i hit just now.. i mean i'm not a speed devil and i've never hit 299km/hr before. and the fastest speed i hit was 284km/hr. that was i really have the form. but this time i'm not wearing and jacket or protection.. wats gotten in mi? before i'll never hit 200km/hr if i'm not wearing any protectiong. as i said i'm very into safety.. haiz.. and thats only on the 2nd link itself..
so after i reach malaysia toll,before the petrol kiosk,theres a very dark long road.. and there i clear my meter again.. which means i hit 299km/hr again.. again.. so when i reach the petrol kiosk. i pump some petrol and smoke a few sticks.. then i went on to u turn back to singapore.. and when i u turn already,there's a straight long road again..
so i wack again lor.. hehe.. but this time i didnt hit 299km/hr.. i hit 287km/hr.. then i'm reaching the other petrol kiosk already.. so didn have the chance.. but if the road was longer abit. i believe i'll hit again. simply put it this way.. today i really got the balls lor.. and i just wont let go until i really got scare.. so when i'm at the other petrol kiosk, i top up my petrol again.. and smoke a few sticks again.. then i think i had enough already so i took my leave..
then when i reach singapore custom,the jam was longer than i came in.. i was like.. what the fuck? i noe theres someone dangerous on the run. but its not to the extent like this lor.. the queue i was in hardly moves lor.. got in the jam for 1 1/2 hr this time.. i'm really pissed la!!! so i suspecting it was an old uncle.. so when i reach the 3rd place before its my turn, i saw him.. its really an old uncle.. i knew it!! so there was this malaysian who is scaning his passport, and just for that guy,he took a freaking 20 mins to see his face.. wau lau uncle.. u take a look at the queue and everyone was very hot.. and can i say when i'm hot i'll be piss.. so i keep staring at the uncle and finally cant take it anymore.. so i shouted at him.. "unlce!!! can u see the freaking queue!! we have been in this jam for more than 1 hr. can u pls spare a thought for everyone here. i'm not telling u to do wat u should do.. but that guy is a chinese lor. mas selamat is a malay for goodness sake!!" then the best part is,he still dont care and carry on looking at his pissed face(the chinese man). everyone in the queue was pissed lor.. shit man!! luckily when its the turn for the guy infront of mi,the just scan and let him through. and i'm telling myself if u take as much time as what u did to the poor chinese fellow i'm going to really F u lor.. but heng ah.. he also let mi through after scaning my passport.. so i thought it was over..
who knows then i reach the place where they will check our belonging.. so there was a queue again.. i was like,what the fuck?! curse u mas selamat!!! u brought all this waiting lor! anyway there was this custom officer,wow he damn 'garang' la.. every bike he did a very very strict check. even the below of the bike he also dont give chance lor.. he will go down on pumping position and use 1 hand to hold all his weight and using another hand to hold the touchlight lor.. wow.. i clap lor.. every bike lei.. u think la.. and he was sweating like fuck lor.. i will write in to ur head and tell him to give u 1 full yr of bonus.. fuck lor.. really lor. i've never been in the custom for this long ever lor.. it was so hot lor.. and all the smoke from other bikes really make mi sick lor.. luckily i'm not wearing my jacket lor.. if not i think i'll just die there lor.. haiz...
so headed home after all the waiting lor.. just cant wait to get home and shower. so as i was ridding home i think abt her again.. haiz.. y keep thinking abt this type of thing? i'm thinking of the toking we had, the topic we had,the laughing we had on the phone yesterday,the question u throw at mi,the answer i gave u everything la.. i really like to tok to u,though it was nothing much, but u r the only person i tok to for more than 2 hrs since like 2 yrs plus.. in fact i think longer la.. i think not only 2 yrs plus lor.. but as u say,ur exams r coming,and u have a bf now and u dont wanna think abt this thing at this point of time.. so i think i shall not bring up this topic at this point of time.. anyway just gotta wait lor.. now time is the key thing.. going to hit the sacks already.. tomolo gotta wake up at 8am man!!and something is wrong with this blog timing lor.. now its 4am but it shows 12:55pm.. someone pls do something.. haha.. wat the heck..
BYE!!!
hahaha.....
finally got my bike back.. miss her so much.. its been like 3 weeks since i last ride my bike.. anyway tonight will be having a short trip to melacca or KL.. just need some time along to really think abt some stuff.. anyway later will be going home to get some rest so that i wont feel tired when ridding up.. :) this is the first trip since last yr.. really miss touring time.. dont habe to think of anything. can relax and just switch off my mind.. haha.. anyway hope to move off by 11.. and be the time i reach there will be abt 1 plus 2 la.. and hopw it wont rain be then.. PRAY PRAY!!! will be back by tomolo to write somemore abt the trip.. :) and will upload some pic of my trip.. haha.. wish mi have a safe and wonderful trip.. :) and remember ah wanqing.. if i dont get back be tomolo evening u noe wat to do already ah.. haha.. ok.. thats all.. :)
last pic with the guys before leaving the ktv.. anyway thanks guys!!!
cut le cut le!!!
ready to cut the cake..
mi and wanqing..
mi and my cake!!!
making a wish.. hope it come ture.. =)
mi and zichen
mi and joanna..
these are some of the pic we took on my birthday.. 01/04/08..so on that day we went to the ktv opp pearl centre.. lots of fun.. mainly its becoz of my birthday.. haha.. anyway really thank you guys for coming down to my birthday and for the cake!!!
NEW NEW NEW!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY!!!!!! got myself a blog.. so i can so call the blogger.. haha.. all thanks to my beloved "bao mei" (sharon AKA wanqing).. thanks ah!!! for now its still blank.. hoping to write something soon for u all. maybe like tomolo.. for now its too late.. gonna hit the sacks!!! bye bye!!!
my baby!!! 
