SaintDerek

me? still struggling even till now.

for the past few 2 years, i would be busying preparing for your birthday. march has always been the busiest day of my year. but now, is anyone busying for you? racking their brains really hard to make you the happiest boy on earth on your birthday?ordering your fave black forest from pine gardens is what i intended to do. but i dont wish to spoil your bday as you once told me that you are now better off being single. dont wish to remind you of your nightmare on your bday - the day which i never failed to make you happy and feeling fortunate to be in this world.

today is really scary for me, everything rushed its way to me. its too much for me to handle, i see your shadows everywhere i go - thought about everything, from the sweetest time to disastrous time.

sat outside macdonald's and the image of how i used to wait there for you to end work came to me. guess the happiest time of mine was being able to sit there to wait for you to finish work almost everyday? and also buying your chosen choice of ice cream and apple pie. then i went in to see the image of you sitting beside me with my laptop and your ice cream while i am studying for my exams. and then our image of walking and talking rubbish on our way home.

went to blk 237 7/11 where the images of how angry you were with me and i was hiding at one corner. then the whole journey of running away, hiding and dragging things go onm. and how i received a text to go back together.

and i immediately wanted to slap myself hard, to wake up from the most awful dream i have been living in for the past 6 mths. why did we stop there? why did we fail at that point of time? why didnt we made it through? were we too weak as a couple to make it through?

did you miss me? are you still missing me? am i still haunting your life like how you are doing to me? will we ever meet again with u telling me ' baby, i am here to bring you back.. to take you with me ' ?

i really wish to hear something. something which you used to tell me to make me less afraid ' baby, dont fall. i am your pillar of strength and i am here for you '

baby, will u?